Blended Bliss...

the unexpected miracle of miracles

2009-09-19T23:45:00.002-04:00

We have a beautiful daughter. She is three days old and gorgeous. She is also not yet healthy and will be spending many weeks in the nicu that are sure to turn the remainder of my brown hairs grey. As long as she is healthy and happy and Maris and Seth are healthy and happy, they world could fall down around my ears and I would still be over the moon!

More details about baby Cass and her abrupt entry into our lives soon :)

The wait continues...

2009-07-09T23:32:00.002-04:00

Wow, adoption is a long road no matter which way you slice it. We seem to be presented with "possible" scenarios fairly regularly, but nothing pans out... I think it must be like dating, you just know when you find the right one, the one in this case being a birth mother, I guess.
The matching process is a tough one. It makes me a bit jealous of our friends who go international. They have someone who does the matching for them. Still, as I have often been told, If you took all your problems an layed them out with anyone else's side by side, chances are you would take yours back. I guess I have no real complaints, only minor grumbles :)
Well that's it from this neck of the woods! Just three and a half weeks till I leave for a trip to China... I will post some pics as I go.

Long Absence... and a lame excuse!

2009-06-24T08:47:00.002-04:00

Well, it was the end of the school year... and since I had the urge to finish this, my third and final evaluation year, (before two glorious years of not being evaluated) as amazingly as I could, I worked my tail off by day and snoozed on the couch by night.
All the while, though, things they were a-changin'.
Matt and I got approval last night to switch our agency. I first must say that the agency we were working with is a wonderful agency with many fantastic services and a heart of gold. They are just not the right ones for us, but we are very glad to be able to call them neighbors and we plan to continue using them for our post placement services.
We opted to switch to an agency with the ability to work in more than three states and one that does the bulk of the advertising for you... although my cute little business cards and fliers are the bees knees, I am overwhelmed at where to begin in sending them, and since I don't have an advertising background, I didn't feel up to leaving something as important as finding our child up to my lack luster skill set!
When we first looked at our old agency they talked of having an upward limit of 2 years wait, but that seems to have grown to 3 years. They have a pool of 70 waiting families and only do business in DC, MD, and VA.
So new agency works across the country,with only 50 families at a time, but does not work in MD, or PA. I have to breath a tiny, self centered sigh of relief there because the 30 day period of"will the birth mother change her mind" that is part of the process in those states sort of turns my tummy to jello.
I have amazing amounts of respect for birth mothers and plan on honoring our own with what ever visitation, recognition, or privacy she desires... I simply know my own nature well enough to know that I would not do well for 30 days of not knowing if the baby in my house got to stay my baby. Maybe I'm a wimp, but it is what it is.
So new agency, hopefully shorter wait, and the very real possibility that when the mini-mystery Ravenstahl crosses our threshold, it will be as a legally permanent member of the family. *sigh*
I have also had the fun of catching up on all the blogs I link too and am amazed by all the lovely stories pictures and new additions!!!
It feels good to be back :)

Long time, no post...

2009-06-02T22:13:00.002-04:00

And yet, there is very little to report! Both Matt's parents and mine have been for visits, and we have had some nice gatherings... we even built our own lower level deck with no help... but really life just ticks along with no real drama

**Dear God, let me not have just cursed my self!!**

Two and a half weeks left of school and then we get a week off before summer school, I am looking forward to it! (the break, rather more than summer school, but both will have their good bits)

I am also looking forward to my brother and his wife coming to stay in July, and my own three week trip to China in August with my friend Laura.
Ahhh, summer. Bring it on!!

Adoption book, and other exciting/scary things going on...

2009-05-17T08:35:00.002-04:00

So I was visiting our agency about a week ago and was spying, er, looking at all of the other waiting family albums and I was getting really down hearted because they are all so cool and I just couldn't get happy about ours.
I am missing that essential female gene for scrapbooking. This is odd because I am an elementary school teacher and construction paper, glue and stickers are my life! C'est la vie... nothing I can do about it.
Just when I was about to give up hope on ever attracting a birthmom to our family through my photo album wiles, I was introduced to an amazing, FREE, downloadable software from www.blurb.com . It is a way to make you own books with very easy templates that can be manipulated in just about any way you can imagine. I am now proud to say that we have one of the spiffiest waiting family albums out there. My zero-talent album making will no longer hinder our ability to find offspring. *sigh of relief*

As I was imagining what I might blog about this week, this seemed like it would be the highlight of the week, surely nothing more interesting than free album making software could appear in my suburban environment!
Well, as I have learned again and again, never underestimate the power of a Ravenstahl to "shake things up" Typically these shake ups are in the form of surprise head injuries, stitches and broken bones. Most often it is Matt, a danger magnet, but sometimes it is the boys. Still a general rule is that the more catastrophic injuries will be acquired by Matt...
Just goes to show where generalizations will get you.
Seth decided to take first prize as the most seriously injured Ravenstahl ever (a difficult mantle to get, especially if you consider my beloved and very accident prone mother in law)
He was running through the woods and an evil stick jumped out from behind a tree and shanked him... or he tripped and fell on a stick... whichever version you like best...
Anyway, our youngest boy was the new proud owner of a large and horrible abdominal stab wound. Braver than any 11 year old has the right to be, he gets his buddies to walk him home and collapses on his moma's stairs.
Whisked off to the emergency room by Matt and Laura (and met there by every other family member in the tri-state area), Seth spends the next five hours at Reston Hospital undergoing various tests and needle jabs to ensure that nothing life threatening has been punctured, before he is ambulanced to Farifax Hospital at 10:00 pm for a consult with the pediatric trauma surgeon.
After hours of tests and exams, it is determined that he managed to avoid all major organs and that this is just a really nasty, ugly, non-life threatening stab wound and he is stitched up and sent home by 2:00am. The most amazing thing about the entire night was that he consistently turned down the offer of pain medication... I cannot imagine!
So he began a marathon of sleep, donuts and video games that ensure a rapid recovery for a wounded little boy.
I am not sure I ever want to see the inside of a hospital again after this week, but if I had to go to one with a child, I would say that Fairfax Hospital is the most amazing place for an injured child. We are very lucky to live near such a good hospital!
For now I am just very grateful that everything turned out the way it did. Tough stuff, those Ravenstahls! All the same, Seth is only going to be running through open fields from now on... trees are scary.

Salt Lake City... at last!

2009-05-05T17:32:00.003-04:00

The Sunday Morning Broadcast of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Mountains, mountains, everywhere!!

The Temple in Temple Square

Matt inside the Tabernacle

Me in front of a restored Pioneer cabin

Wow! A week and a bit can fly right by. I just have to post these pics of our time in Salt Lake City. It already feels like a dream... all that lovely scenery fading into the cobwebby corners of my overworked brain.

We only got to spend a few days there, and we chose to skip renting a car (I could devote a whole post to my crappy luck with rental cars including the time one was stolen from in front of the house I stayed in, lets just leave it at "Nia should not rent cars")

So, car-less, we could not have been to a better city! There is a rail system that runs all through downtown that costs NOTHING as long as you stay in the free-fare zone, and as a tourist on a quick trip, I never needed to leave the free fare zone. Everything I saw was lovely. Temple Square is very beautiful, right down to the last flower and every time you look up there are glorious mountains all around.

I was a bit worried that there would be a ton of stuff I wasn't allowed to do since I am not Mormon and I wasn't sure how much access we would be granted.

Other than the actual temple, there was nothing I could not go into. The Tabernacle (including the live broadcast I got to attend of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir), the genealogical research facilities, the historical buildings, and the history museum were not just welcoming but all came with volunteers who were just waiting to give you a personal tour with loads of interesting details.

I also have to recommend having a friend who grew up in SLC who is willing to go above an beyond to spoil you during your stay. The parent's of one of my fabulous students grew up in Utah. Angela knew I was going to SLC and sent me e-mails and phone messages with cool tips of how to best enjoy the city. She also got her sister to drop us a goody bag at out hotel including lots of yummy chocolate and a gift certificate to her favorite Mexican joint... she wanted this east coast girl to get a little west coast flavor in Mexican food, and I have to say, my dinners out for Mexican will never be the same again.

This was the greatest trip and Matt and I had a blast. We missed the kids, but were also pretty sure that since they are still more into "action vacations" that it would only have worked for them if we headed up towards Park City, and we were pretty committed to going car free.

All in all, I have to say that I love Utah! I would definitely go back again :)

In which my family, friends, and neighbors are picked on in order that I might feel better about my day...

2009-04-28T18:57:00.005-04:00

*** The following is written in loving acceptance of my beloved family, friends and animals. It is a humorous, hyperbolic interpretation of what would otherwise be a ridiculously un-funny day... sadly; animals and people were harmed in the making of this Blog post.

***** Please do not turn me in to PETA. I love all animals, especially my own, I sometimes just need to laugh to keep from crying!

So when we were in Salt Lake City (which I promise to write a picture filled post about soon) we got a call letting us know that our Golden Retriever, Miles, had mysteriously escaped the yard and found a dog that was outside in his own invisible fence enclosure. Miles is typically a friendly, slobbery, loving creature so, of course, he practically ate the dog and we came home to an emergency vet bill for $1300 and a strangely unfriendly neighbor...

I now hate that dog (Miles), almost as much as that neighbor hates me. I hope he chokes on the next peanut butter jar he steals off the counter and consumes in the center of the living room floor. Frankly I am only refusing to consider having him put to sleep because I don't want to spend $200 on Miles right after spending $1300 on someone else's dog, and after (I cannot make this stuff up) the lawn mower burst into smoking flames when Matt tried to mow the lawn this afternoon.

Still, we could not figure out for the life of us how he managed to escape, unless some neighborhood mischief maker had opened one of the gates... Matt went out at midnight last night (as soon as we got home) and checked every inch of fence and gate and just could not imagine how he could have broken out without help. Matt has been assiduously maintaining and fixing every little thing that goes wrong with that fence like it was a second job.

Well it turns out that Maris forgot some things at our place this weekend... big surprise there... so Laura brought him over to grab it. He went in through the back door and out through the front and, you guessed it!, didn't shut the gate, so when Ariana let the dogs out, off they all ran (except Gobby who evidently knows which side his bread is buttered on)

As per my usual dog-related humiliation, my former babysitter and now backyard neighbor, Christina sent her daughter to alert Ariana that the dogs were out. She leashlessly wrestled them home, still unaware of the fracas that had just occurred. As a testament to Ariana's skill with dogs, Monroe bit her on the arm for her trouble. In his defense, I have also been tempted to bite Ariana from time to time. When you love someone like a sister, they can get to you, ya know?

So what to do with the walking mass of absentminded hormones and puffy hair who is my beloved oldest stepchild??? He is going to bloody well come with me to drop the check of to the neighbor and apologize. I am also going to make him get on all fours and apologize to the dog. I was given a full color 8.5 by 11 digital picture of the wound site with the itemized bill, and I'm going to tell you that I am not going anyway near that oozy mess with all six of its stitches and its shunty-looking thing... did I mention I hate Miles?

So that is Maris's recompense for the ill done to random neighbor with stupid electric fence that offers no protection and only keeps their dog in like some form of mobile, canned dog treat for larger, more evil canines. (apparently my silly, slobber-faced, tummy-rub junkie is one of these)

But what about the damage done to my bank account? Did the child not know that we lived in a house with three large dogs who often go outside, therefore necessitating the shutting of the gate? They are rather hard to miss, Miles weighs in around 70lbs... Matt and I decided he will either be our personal unpaid lawn boy for the ENTIRE summer, or that he can sell one of his four guitars to contribute to the financial hit. Personally I would rather have the free lawn service, but he seems to think that selling a guitar is the more painless of the two options. Apparently sweating away at mowing the lawn while your step mother sits on the deck, reading a book in a floppy sun hat while sipping iced-tea does not seem like the softer option! ... go figure.

Now you see me, now you don't

2009-04-25T22:55:00.006-04:00

One of the bitter sweet things about being a step mom who got step sons when they were a little older is how fast your kiddos become independent of you. Ever since we first started hanging out, Seth and I have had a special bond in the kitchen.Once a week (unless my mother is visiting, when she commandeers the kitchen and makes us all a little fatter...) Seth and I bake brownies together. He is an awesome chef and has a great instinct for cooking, among his many talents.

So I am a little bummed, as well as proud to note that he has begun baking solo for the last few weeks. He is testing out his Independence and doing a wonderful job. He is still asks for help with putting them in and taking out of the oven, but really he is now the man in charge of brownie night.

I guess I will just have to enjoy my brownies without having a hand in them. Maybe he will learn how to make cheesecake, mmm, cheesecake... On second thought, a girl could get used to this!!

a random musing...

2009-04-22T17:29:00.002-04:00

You know how, if you are me, the second one of your friends tells you that they (or their wife) are going to have a baby, you have a list of automatic questions you need the answer too? One kind of like this:

Oh, my gosh!! When are you due?
Are you guys going to find out what you are having?
How long are you going to stay home?
How do you feel??
Do you have any ideas for names?

See it is a nice little list, and for people like me (those with the obsessive need for the answers to questions) it helps me mentally prepare for this new little addition to my friend/family world.

So, I have posted in the past from an "outside-looking-in" perspective on what "we the adopters" experience in this process, but have you ever considered what it must be like to be the friend of an adopter??

*We cannot with any real accuracy tell you when the little person will arrive.
*If you are with my agency, gender preference is not an option, so no dice there.
*I don't really know how long I get to stay home... my guess would be 6 weeks-ish unless the MMR (Mini-Mystery-Ravenstahl) shows up in the summer (yay, teaching!). I do, however, know that Matt has WAY more leave saved up than I do, so he will get to stay home longer. I am not really very bitter about this. I sort of hope that he will bring the MMR to lunch a couple times a week though.
*I feel fantastic! This one is a total bonus of adopting. I am sleeping great, my ankles are in full view and the scale is still a close friend of mine. I have been wearing the same size jeans the entire time we have been expecting!!
*Of course someone as obsessive as I am has names ready to go!

So, friend of adopter... I have some info, but no end date. There will be no pre-baby shower. We can plan an introduction party instead. I can't give regular updates because I don't get them. I live in the limbo of waiting. It isn't a bad place. There are lots of us here, and we have some fun while we wait, but it can't look very interesting to you from out there.
Stay tuned, though. You never know where this wild ride will take us. And your support and friendship does count... more than you know :)

Spring commings and goings...

2009-04-14T17:55:00.004-04:00

Well, spring break has come and gone, and it was a pure delight. Rest, relaxation, time with family and TONS of overindulgence at the hands of my incredibly sweet mother in law. Goodnight sweet waistline!

I also got the chance to catch up with one of my college roomies and play with her adorable little ones, I could totally get into morning play dates with other mommies... sigh!

Back at work and in the world of Special Education, this is the high season. Tons of testing and legal paperwork augment my daily routine of instruction. It is tiring, but it certainly makes the end of the school year fly by!!

Adding to my end of school year chaos is the fact that my two years as a graduate student are rapidly coming to a close. I will be graduating with my master's degree in special education in a month... I can scarcely believe it.

At least my mother will be happy. She always said that I should finish grad school before having children. I supposed I half-followed that bit of advice. I won't have a baby until after grad school, but I have had children for a good four years now. Infact, one of the reasons I am so proud of this accomplishment is that I did it while working full time and raising a step-family. I think I also appreciate this academic accomplishment the most because it was all done on my own dime. Again, mom always used to say that when it was my money I was spending, I would take it more seriously... she is often right about things like that, just please don't tell her I said so :)

The boys looked completely adorable holding their brand new cousin. She is a little love who's favorite spot to nap is in the arms of a willing family member. Is there anything sweeter than spending an hour staring into the face of a tiny sleeping person??

No news is.... well... no news!

2009-04-06T21:11:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the long absence from this blog!! I wish there was anything interesting to share, but we have had a fairly quiet month.

Work, work, work, soccer, grad school, housework, grocery shopping, sleep when possible and now finally... Spring Break.

(OK. I have to cop to having read the whole Twilight series in the time since the last post. I can't explain what happened. My inner 13 year old hijacked my body and made me keep turning the pages. My only comfort is the AMAZING amount of other 30 somethings I know who have also surrendered a week or two of their lives to this surprisingly addictive saga)

The weather has begun to warm up in time for this much needed break, the tree outside our bedroom window is full of fluffy white blossoms, and the dogs track mud into the house every time they go outside, so it must be spring :)

We are looking forward to Easter, even if this year there will be no egg dying ("we are too old for that") and there has been requests for Easter candy, but NOT for baskets.

We need this new baby to bring back some of the childlike joy that can surround holidays... our crew is just about too cool for school, and while they are magnificently independent, I miss the little traditions and holiday treats.

C'est la vie. We wait. At least we have nine million things to keep us busy in the mean time.
Happy Spring, Y'all!

Inching ever closer to the West Coast...

2009-03-17T10:37:00.003-04:00

So for my 30th (which occurred some time last week) I am being given the gift of a weekend in Utah. Now, I know that some of my friends hit Paris for their 30th, and still others went off on fabulous "30" cruises to sunny, tropical places with clear blue waters and steel drums tinkling in the background, but I am continuing my conquest of the continental US by pushing my western frontier out to Salt Lake City.

It helps that Matt has a conference there that weekend and that the hotel is paid for, and that round trip air fair from DC to SLC is around $200, but I honestly am very excited to see more America and would have taken a spontaneous trip to this spot anyway.

My previous western forays have put me as far out of my eastern standard time zone as New Orleans (best single girl vacay spot, home to the afore mentioned Ariana and a really awesome spa with an outdoor massage deck) and Denver (unbelievably awkward last trip with first husband and his then coworker, now 2nd wife... yikes! Dull company, FANTASTIC scenery... including elk the size of elephants)

So my western experiences are limited, but my gut tells me that this heretofore un- rambled to portion of the US is going to leave a lasting impression. Take a peek at those mountains!! I love mountains! An honestly, I am fascinated by Mormon history and am totally going to spend Matt's conference hours in historical sites and museums and then give him enthralling (to me) historical lectures over dinners in the evening... I did my undergrad degree in history and am still a total dork for it.

I just can't wait. An adventure!!! Does anyone have any good SLC tips?? Bring on the end of April and a new frontier (yes, I really am that cheesy.)

Approaching end of Home Study

2009-03-16T12:05:00.003-04:00

So tomorrow my very dear friend Ariana (seen here masterfully carving my wedding cake that was shaped like a pig on a bale of hay, all the while not complaining about the hideous sunflower print maid of honor frock and cowboy boots, pigtails or fun but extremely not grown-up ho-down themed wedding) arrives from Down South. She has one of those super cool government type jobs that leads her to the DC area from time to time and she and her cat, the infamous Kitmo, typically make our pad their base camp.

No idea why my three slobbering hounds all love this little black and white kitty... I think it is because she has mad street cred for being able to kick their doggie butts from one end of the house to the other. The only time anyone dared to try and be the boss of her, he came away with a sore, scratched nose... but normally there is no drama. Just extremely cute dog/cat nap pics.

Her arrival time is PERFECT because the only thing we need to do to finish our home study is to have the in-person interview of our primary reference. So within a week or two depending on schedules, we will be done with the homestudy.

I have to admit that my hell for leather pace has broken down in regards to the homestudy. I have taken my sweet time with many things because I know that the second it is done, then the last little tiny bit of control we have over the process is gone, and we sit in the void called "waiting" and we bloody well wait.

Here is a list of things that freak me out that we will be waiting for:

1. We wait for someone to connect with us either through an agency or personal contact who believes that we are the right family for her child... this completely and utterly blows my mind. This is, by far, the longest part of the wait and the bit that makes us wait to do other things like paint the nursery, buy cool baby stuff, or take an over seas vacation for fear of missing "the call." (Not like we will have much extra travel dosh in a year that we are not getting raises because of the county budget shortfall, and while we are saving all of our pennies for this blessed, adored... and possibly obsessed over baby)

Our overseas waiting friends get a very approximate wait time for their referral. At last check our social worker said we could expect 2 weeks to 3 years or anything in between... did I mention I LOVE not knowing things?!? yikes.

2. We wait to see if she/they really mean it... all the way through the termination of rights period. At least 2 weeks of which we are hypothetically housing, feeding, cuddling and loving a baby. I can not wrap my mind around how nerve wracking this could be.

3. We may possibly have to wait for paternal rights to expire on a different time line if there is an unknown birth father. More nail biting ensues.

I don't mean to focus solely on the negative. Holy cow! The benefits are astronomically greater than the risks. I know this with everything that I am, but I am also just a bit scared of the unknown. I think that is a pretty human response to this much unknown, actually. Thus, I blog. But really, handing over that last scrap of paper and becoming official... That feels like a giant, blind leap into the unknown.

So I am very glad that my near-sister is coming to stay for the next couple of months because I am about to turn into a basket case and I'm pretty sure Matt doesn't want to have to fill the role of in-house therapist all by himself!

Wild Weekend

2009-03-09T11:27:00.002-04:00

O.k., So I just made my self laugh with the title of this entry because I actually do remember (some of) what used to pass for a wild weekend... and if you had told me at 20 what I would define as wild at 30 (T-minus 3 days) , I probably would have fallen right out of my keg stand.

Ces't LaVie!! Time marches on, and blessedly so does maturity and (thanks Claudia for the reminder) so do crows feet.

So with three decades tucked neatly away under my belt, what is it that passes for wild??

I'll tell you. It is a whirl wind of activity that begins on a Friday evening when 15 year old, newly minted JV soccer stud Maris arrives home from practice, shovels down a quick dinner and then- in direct contravention of the "be fast please" mandate- takes the world's longest shower and somehow slithers out of dish duty all the while making the family an hour and a half late for our five hour drive to Pittsburgh.

Arriving at the sanctuary I like to call my in-law's house at midnight, we chill for an hour or so and catch up with Grandma and Papa. I have to admit, I did indulge in a little post-drive venting. Just where does an 11 year old get contextual accuracy for "that's what she said" jokes anyway?... dear God, let that have come from school and not my house! Then it was off to bed to prepare for the big day to follow. Have I ever mentioned that the bed in my mother in law's guest room has a memory foam topper?? Blissful rest!

A new day dawned and it was off to buy toothbrushes and donuts. ( I honestly don't see an issue with this combination. ) My in-laws have a donut shop right behind their house. I try to convince myself that the 2.5 minute walk to Big Daddy's Donuts will counterbalance an apple fritter that is bigger than my head, but my jeans beg to differ.

Once home, fed, bathed and dressed, the crew headed to the other side of Crafton... a grueling 40 second drive, to meet the one and only, beautiful, delicious, fantastic and perfect Cate Anne Ravenstahl who entered the world on March 3rd. (where are the pictures of this newly earthbound angle? See above rant about departure time to see what I was stewing about instead of remembering my camera)

We spent one bliss full, peaceful, intoxicating day with our niece. We didn't leave the living room for most of the day, but I have to say that cuddling, cooing and drooling over this little princess was by far the best spent day I have had in ages.

Our "older" niece, the divine Miss Grace was spending the day with her other Grandma at the science center, but we did get a good hour and a half of Grace time in at the end of the day. She is a pretty awesome big sister... very quick on the draw with a pacifier when Cate utters even the smallest squeak. The boys were fantastic with both girls. They are very natural with babies and very patient with toddlers. They will be a fantastic help when our little one comes home.

Nieces are the best thing ever. I think it is even nicer to have nieces than to have your own children because you get all the good bits and leave when the kids get cranky! When those two got cranky at the end of the day we swanned out the door to the King's up the road and had dinner with Grandma, Papa and Matt's brother Mark and his wife Caroline. Then home to watch some Harry Potter and get some rest before an early morning trip home.

We hit the road after a quick trip through, you guessed it, Big Daddy's Donuts and headed back to VA for the birthday party of a special little man who made his entrance into the world a year ago. 5 hours of car trip togetherness and one "I have to go to Mommy's and get my math book!" later, we dropped Seth off at the X-box, I mean house, and headed off to the birthday party. Yes, that actually means that we have the kind of 15 year old sweet enough to spend 2 hours of his Sunday playing with babies!

High five to Misty, the Mommy, who knows that the best spot to have a kids party is anywhere other than your own home. The community center was a great choice and if I hadn't gotten my fill of adorable babies with Cate and Grace, then two hours on the floor with an assortment of gorgeous lovies was enough to round out my weekend.

I did, for the love of splendid one year olds and 15 year strong friendships, dance a few rounds of the awkwardness tango with the ex and his new Mrs, but I was very pleasant and per the aforementioned maturity, I made it through the entire experience focused on the wonderfulness that are my friends offspring, and made no snide comments to any one at all. Can you hear me patting my self on the back? Shameless self praise! I earned it :)

So my rip roaring weekend continued with a trip to Target, a half hour in the other sanctuary known as my husband's first wife's living room (how cool is that?) while finding the math book, and then some quality time spent in my own kitchen making yummy "Indian" food from scratch... parenthesis indicate my lack of actual culinary know how, leading to a marked lack of authenticity in our cuisine.

So it was with great satisfaction that I crawled into a steaming tub with a good book and soaked away the exhaustion of what now passes for a wild weekend in the life of this Ravenstahl... you can keep the Keg Stands. I wouldn't trade this life for anything!

Tumble Down The Step(s)-Mom

2009-02-21T17:11:00.005-05:00

I stayed late at work last Friday night to catch up on some paperwork, and so that I could pick up Maris from soccer practice which is right next door to my school. All abuzz from productivity I strode out of my classroom door carrying my laptop bag, purse and some weekend paperwork. I zipped up my coat, put on my hat and headed down the stairs.

I don't know how I lost my footing. I just know that about 1 step into the 14 stairs of the second flight of stairs, I slipped. I made a valiant grab for the rail... I think I even held it for a moment. I very clearly remember thinking, "no, that isn't going to work, I'm actually going to fall." and fall I did. I somersaulted. I cracked the noggin about mid fall. I also got knees, hip and ribcage, and still somehow managed to land sitting up right on my amply padded posterior. A colleague head the thumps and came running to find me, legs a kimbo, sprawled on the floor amid the scattered debris of my purse and work bag, my cell phone and shoes still laying on the stairs.

He got my boss, who very kindly brought me ice and called Matt, then sat with me and kept me talking till Matt and Maris got there.

I could walk and talk but I was covered in bruises and I'm not sure I have ever had a headache like this one, so at my bosses request we "stopped by" the emergency room for three and a half hours. My dad, who is visiting from China, called to see if Maris would like to be picked up from the emergency room but he wanted to stay and make sure that everything was alright, and to crack jokes.

I have to honestly say that I am very lucky to live with a 15 year old who would voluntarily spend any time with his parents on a Friday night, let alone at the local emergency room. His jokes really were funny and it did make the time pass faster for Matt and I.

So I have been a lazy slug, feeling bruised, tired and sorry for my self. Matt has done most of the parenting/kid care stuff since Friday and the kids have been a dream. Maris called from a friends house on Saturday just to see how I was feeling. Seth curled up with Matt and I and watched movies until the three of us drifted off... it has all been quite relaxing really, despite the headache.

I'm not saying I would like another fall down the stairs, but I could get used to all the gentle care!!!

We heart New York

2009-02-18T11:08:00.003-05:00

We took the kids on a long weekend trip to the big apple this past weekend... and despite the gruling 10 total hours spent in the car and the millions of dollars spent on tolls getting there (thanks, Delaware.... really! So glad we could help) we had a great time. We stayed in this tiny hotel way down Broadway in the garment district and we walked everywhere we went. Walking through Times Square with the kids was great, their eyes were popping out of their heads. There is a ferris wheel INSIDE the Toys R Us, and everything is completly over the top. It was pretty perfect. I love that they are old enough to do city things.
When we were first planning trips, they were only ever to outdoor places with plenty of room to run, becuase two little boys bare MANY resemblances to two puppie dogs, especially after long car rides. This time, they handled the trip well. They were really into the whole thing, even the trip to the Iridium Jazz Club to see the legendary, 93year old, Les Paul do absolutly amazing things on his guitar... guess which kid inspired our choice of show?
And even if my puppies, er, children did need half an hour of uniterrupted pillow fighting after the car ride to settle down, nothing was broken, and we made it back with out a scratch! We love New York and I love adding another page to the family scrap book.

I'm ruining your life...

2009-02-09T11:17:00.004-05:00

A few brief posts ago I "totally got" my oldest step son. Today I am ruining his life. I am so good at it that I have accomplished this without even leaving my desk at work.

Technology must be the bane of any teen's existence when it means that the second your Spanish grade turns into a D, an e-mail goes out to your mom who quickly sends it to the rest of the members of "team parent". Then your unaccountably vile stepmother in whose home you are expected to sleep tonight grabs the cell phone and with a quick push of a button conferences with your dad, e-mails the team with an up date and (like the horrific monster that she pretends not to be) calls you guitar teacher and cancels your lesson that you had scheduled for tonight so that you can make up the work that you haven't turned in to your Spanish teacher.

If it is any consolation (and I promise you it will not be) I feel like a massive jerk. I have sacrificed a majority of my cool points on the alter of this Spanish grade... do you suppose he will thank me one day? yeah, I don't think so either.

Musing about music and baby names...

2009-02-04T13:30:00.003-05:00

When I listen to Eva Cassidy I can see all of the wonderful moments I have ever shared with my beautiful husband Matt, and I listen to her songs all of the time.
I met Matt the year after I divorced my first husband. I was interested in him as a person from our first conversation, and it did not take too much expressed interest from him to ignite a deeper interest in me.
We met in the spring and came together after a gathering in summer. We couldn’t seem to part after meeting up at this gathering and went out for a coffee that lasted untill the wee hours of the morning. Two days later I accepted an invitation to his house and we sat on his couch in his sparse bachelor living room and talked, while the sweetest voice sang softly in the background. I asked about the music and was told that it was one of his favorite singers, Eva Cassidy, and was asked if I liked the music. I of course replied that I did and we spent the rest of our evening holding hands, revealing parts of souls, listening to Eva and planting seeds that would grow rather quickly into love.
Strangely when I got to my second job the next day, someone had a copy of an Eva Cassidy CD, Songbird. I mentioned how much I had enjoyed her music the night before and my co-worker sent me home with the CD.
Over the next few months I listened to that CD each night while falling asleep thinking about this wonderful man I had just met. Each song on that compellation seemed to have a special relevance to something I was experiencing at that time, or something that I had experienced in the break up of my first marriage. I never grew tired of falling asleep to the sound of her voice.
A couple of years passed during which Matt and I had combined houses and lives at a steady pace. When we were choosing our wedding music it seemed only fitting that she would be a part of our ceremony and so I walked down the isle on my father’s arm to Songbird, the title song from the album that I had listened to so many nights when I was falling in love with my husband.
Eva’s music has always been a part of our life together and my deep appreciation of her gift has grown with each new song I experience.
My husband and I were on our way to the store the other day when Songbird came on the radio. We stayed tuned to hear more of her lovely music and were amazed to hear that her parents were in the studio taking calls. It was the day before Eva’s birthday and as we listened to our favorite music and the parents of its amazing performer we sat quietly, both of us with tears in our eyes.
We are waiting to adopt a baby, our first child together, who will complete our family of four that includes Matt’s sons from his first marriage. We had long ago decided that if this baby turns out to be a boy we will name him for a beloved friend of Matt’s who passed too soon. On that day, in the car with the voices of Eva and her family ringing in our ears we decided that if we are blessed with a daughter, it will be our honor to name her Eva, after another beautiful soul who passed too soon.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eva_Cassidy

My beautiful husband

I "totally get" someone!!

2009-01-22T11:13:00.005-05:00

Beyond the fact that I clearly stole the idea for these pictures from another blogger... I have a lovely story to tell.

My step son (the older chap whose pic is more of a head shot) tells his Mom that I totally get him. That rocks! No one has ever said that about me before. The fact that the person saying it has also been yelled at by me a number of times for things as various as dumping clean laundry from the dryer onto the floor while searching for socks, to refusing to eat anything more nutritious than a pop-tart, kind of just makes that cooler.

You see we share the bond of being oldest siblings and so we tend to see one another's point faster than other family members... His dad and bro share the bond of both being youngest brothers... who in the world understands those folks?!? :)

What is also WAY COOL is that his Momma likes me enough to share that comment with me and gracious enough to take enjoyment out of it too (not sure I am capable of that much serene awesomeness, myself)

It seems that for me, this lad and his brother are certainly living up to the labels at the bottom of these cool posters!!

Steelerstahl

2009-01-15T15:07:00.002-05:00

We are HUGE Pittsburgh Steelers fans and we HATE the Baltimore Ravens. So it should be a fun weekend with the two arh rivals playing in the AFC championship game.
It has been a family joke for years about how unfortunate it is to have the word Ravens right there at the front of our name. It became a bigger family joke when Matt's second cousin took office as the mayor of da 'burgh a few years ago. So I fell out of my chair laughing this morning when a friend e-mailed me a link to this article about how Luke Ravenstahl has officially changed his last name to Steelerssthal for the week leading up to the AFC championship game. God Bless lunatic sports fans! Go Stillers!!

and they call it puppy love...

2009-01-14T10:51:00.002-05:00

Amidst a morning full of a general sense of unease and anxiety about the future, for no other reason than it is something I cannot control, my lovely husband sent me this picture of two of our three (yes we are nuts) giant pooches catching a nap together on the couch.

I have to say that this picture, unlike singing loudly in the car, deep breaths, or even blog reading like a madwoman, has given me the sense of inner peace that I was struggling for.

YAY DOGS!

Now I will get work done, eat lunch and e-mail the social worker with my daily paperwork questions!!!

Guitar Hero...

2009-01-12T16:03:00.002-05:00

So our family is settling down nicely into a routine of work/school, soccer practices, teaching night classes and going to grad school... All without the help of our stay at home Grandmother whom we were all spoiled by from Thanksgiving to the first week of January. I love my Momma and all of the TLC she lavished on us during her stay!! I miss her laughing, our conversations and dinners that are ready when I walk through the door :)

Even with all of the chaos of our lives post-spoiling our oldest guy has still been practicing guitar fiendishly, from the time he wakes up till beyond his allotted bed time, if he is home, he is strumming. It is an awesome thing to have a child who is so devoted to his music (it is even ok to have to lovingly impose boundaries on when it is ok to play and when you HAVE to wash dishes, take out trash, do your homework or let your brother get some sleep)

While he is working on finding his balance between his life and his art, we have been enjoying the fruits of his labour. I'm sure everyone says this about their kid, but he is incredibly talented. We have a wonderful musician in our house! As soon as he began taking lessons last year we knew he had found his "thing" and his continuous and rapid improvement makes me want to document his journey so we had him ask his guitar teacher, a former student of Matt's, to help him record a CD with a few of his best songs on it.

The coolest part, for me, was that when his guitar teacher suggested having someone sing on the CD, Maris asked me if I would do it! So now I get to "jam" with my step son while cooking dinner and hanging out around the house in the evenings. I am having such a good time with this, he is very easy to work with... if only it were this easy to get him to clean his room!!

I am very glad to have music as a way to bond with my oldest boy. It bothers me to think that the baby we are waiting for will get to spend so little time living with his/her uber cool oldest brother. He is a very special guy. You can't have everything though, and while life is sweet, I will savour it... and maybe see if my guitar hero would be willing to learn how to play a few lullabies for his little brother or sister :)

in which the wicked stepmother tortures her poor step sons

2009-01-07T10:51:00.002-05:00

So we went to the pediatrician yesterday since the kids had to get their physicals done (much hilarity ensued apparently when the "turn your head and cough" part of the exam was carried out... I could hear the giggles from down the hall.
Then things turned sour. Our paperwork indicates a need for TB testing which is done by injecting a little serum under the skin to see if there is a reaction... I swore to my needle phobic youngest boy that, having just had this done my self, it was no big deal and he would barely feel it. So the nurse accidental went too deep made him bleed and he teared up and then look right at me with murder in his eyes for my apparent fraudulent claims, and he began to sob quietly. I felt like a jerk, but it really shouldn't hurt. It didn't hurt the big guy when he had his 10 seconds later.
The real kicker came when the next needle came out, this time for a "real" shot, the kind that goes right into the muscle. Big guy took his with a little wince and the nurse turned back to the youngest. He went rigid and refused to be vaccinated. He is 11 and in the 95th percentile for weight and height and is quite a strong guy... also very stubborn.
He had decided that there was no way this needle was going into his arm. He bargained, begged, shouted, ducked, squirmed and was threatened by his dad to no avail. Finally my big strong husband pinned him to the table and the nurse jabbed him while he screamed bloody murder (for about 5 seconds until he realised that it did not actually hurt)
I stood in the hallway with our oldest guy and cried a bit my self. If I can't handle an 11 year old crying at a shot, what am I going to do when they jab my baby??
The tears may have been a bit guilt related, after all, His dad and I are the ones who decided to adopt a baby, why should he have to be a pin cushion on our behalf? Still, its all done now and everyone has been pronounced healthy and in no need of further prodding for at least six months! Whew!!!
So I bought them both a big bag of candy and let them each eat the whole thing before dinner.... I'm a sap.

in which the home study continues....

2009-01-06T10:06:00.002-05:00

These two charming gents (yes I am such a slacker that summer was the last time I caught the 2 of them on film at the same time!) are on their way to the pediatrician today to do their part for their new little sibling and then we will be all finished with the medical side of the process.

At this point it has taken so long to organize this around every one's schedule that I am left wondering why I am quite foolish enough to have begun a home study two weeks before thanksgiving... did I not realize that appointments, and courthouses, and DMVs would all conspire against our finishing this part of the process in any type of timely way? Just goes to show that I am never quite as well prepared to meet life's challenges as I think!!

Still and all, I am excited that the holidays are over and the process is moving again. Since we are on a domestic path for our first adoption this one should (fingers crossed) be a little lighter on the paper work than our tentatively planned second adoption in which we hope very much to adopt an older child from Africa.

I do love the idea that a girl like me with no discernible trace of fertility could one day be the mother of four beautiful people from all over the world and from various different beginnings. (I am, as usual, way ahead of myself here!)

Step parenting has been a lovely life lesson about how much you can love an older child whom you not only did not give birth to, but who grew up with a world view untouched by you until you first met. Well, that is quite enough rambling from this Ravenstahl!!

Going to the dogs...

2008-12-15T12:16:00.002-05:00

So as part of our home study paperwork, we have to certify that all living breathing members of our family are healthy and will in no way be a detriment to our newest family member. The older ones, including adorable older stepson, must be finger printed and have criminal background checks... very official! (Maris is actually quite pleased that he gets to be in on the police station fun... he's a nut, what can I say!)

So, since my dogs are living, and from the wretched breath, I know still breathing, they must also be completely "vetted"... get it? (it's a weak pun, but it's all I've got today.)

So I called my vet to see what this process would entail (i.e. cost) and I was presented with a $500 dollar estimate. After I picked my jaw up off the floor and reminded my self that the three of them are precious to us, no matter the cost, I began to phone around. I have now found a nice vet office where a friend of mine works who will do all the basics and sign off on all the paperwork for the bargain price of $300.

Do you know that it cost all four people a whopping $60 total to get the same, or similar thing accomplished? And we ask questions, talk back, and make lame jokes about paper gowns. I guarantee that my puppies will be easier to deal with.

It makes me feel very grateful for health insurance. It also makes me think that next time I consider getting a dog, I should just donate $300 to the local Quaker meeting that has a program to buy insurance for the uninsured.

On a totally different and completely braggy note, youngest step Son is getting an award tonight for being a scholar/athlete. This means he made it through all of his football season with A's and B's despite 9 hours of practice a week.... what a kid!

That Lonesome Road

2008-12-10T11:04:00.002-05:00

Ever feel like you are the only person in your daily contact life that has a clue what this whole thing feels like?
I bet other people don't have to spend $500 at the vet to ensure that their dogs don't get in the way of parenthood (homestudy paperwork)
I am also pretty sure that pregancy does not require a check of smoke detector and fire escape plans either... but maybe it should...
It just reminds me that my nutty life would make me feel very strange if I didn't have this forum to help me connect with other step moms and waiting adoptive parents... now if I could only find the step parent/waiting parent/ designated husband's first wife as new baby's gaurdian (in case we die) forum then I might truly feel like I was one among many!!!!
Seriously though. I am so greatful for you all... :)

Please Read This

2008-12-01T12:57:00.002-05:00

So often I am overwhelmed by the love of the international/transracial adoption community. I feel so privileged to be a part of this wonderful world.
Like so many other wonderful things in my life, it has a boundary and beyond that boundary lies a somewhat more intense often crueler world. As my family journeys towards it's next member I find my self researching the world outside of the embracing, loving adoption blogosphere.
i recently read this article www.thestranger.com/seattle/black_kids_in_white_houses/Content?oid=787542 and I have to say that although it has some very difficult bits, in the end I found it to be useful and I did not finish it feeling hopeless... rather, it left me cautiously optimistic about what I can do for my child if I am willing to stand up and move out of my own comfort zone.
Just food for thought... this article is not a representation of my opinions, just something I felt I could pass on.

Turkey Day... one day late.

2008-11-28T09:38:00.002-05:00

So I am cooking turkey the day after thanksgiving. What bennies does this offer other than having, this morning, paid no more that $0.75 for any one dinner ingredient thanks to day after sales?
Well, it means I get to eat with more members of my clan. My mom arrived late last night from China, so we can enjoy our feast and celebrate her return.
Missing from our table are my dad, still in China, and my brother ands his wife who managed to get out of Mumbai a few days ahead of the massacre, thank God.
Adding to our fun blend, we did have the boys momma, Laura, her hubby and their baby over for dessert last night after they ate turkey at Rod's parents place.
We are not the most traditional family, but we take our happiness where we find it and the blend improves all of our lives.
We continue to work on our homestudy, and who knows... maybe by next Thanksgiving we will have one extra family member... For today I am simply THANKFUL for the family I have.

Home Study Begins...

2008-11-20T09:26:00.002-05:00

Well, we met our delightful social worker and began our home study this weekend. She was at our house for FOUR hours!!!! I don't know if that is normal, or if it is excessive, but she was so kind and willing to answer so many questions that it just wen on for ages.
She seemed to like the house, she was great with the dogs and she was totally in love with our boys... who wouldn't be?!? They are fantastic... not that I am biased or anything!
So now we just have a mountain of paperwork to get through before we officially begin our wait.
We are enrolling in a dual program in which we will be eligible for domestic or overseas children so we won't know until we have a referral from one source or the other where our baby will come from. I am at peace with this mystery and am ready to begin our adventure!!!

an update on the last post. Matt's student who presented about adoption with both of her mothers, caused such a sensation that she got to give a talk to the PTA about her presentation last night!!! We were all there to support this amazing young girl. I feel so blessed to see such a wonderful outcome for an adoptee all grown up and ready to go out into the world. It helps me feel very, very optimistic for our baby's future as a happy well adjusted soul, at peace with being adopted.

One Amazing Student

2008-11-11T15:24:00.002-05:00

I had the great privilege last night of hearing one of Matt's 12th grade students give a presentation about being adopted. Her Birth mother sat on her left and her Mom sat on her right. She spoke about her own experiences and conflicts and she asked some very serious questions of the women that can both, in one sense or the other, claim her.

I have to admit that I cried through a lot of it. It was tense, it was moving, it was honest and at times surreal. But I also have to admit to having learned a lot about me.

I saw myself in the Mom's role and I empathized with her points of view and difficulty relinquishing control. I simply doubt my ability to do it with that much grace.

I also learned from this incredible threesome that honesty is the best gift a child can get.
I knew this from living with and loving Maris and Seth. The foundation of truth telling is one of the things that makes us a functioning blended family.

It re-confirmed to Matt and I that when and where ever we are blessed with our next child we will do anything in our power to keep them connected to their roots.

A child can love two cultures, two countries, two pasts and as I saw last night, two mothers. I hope to be brave enough one day to let my little one grow in the knowledge and love of all of the people that make their life a possibility.

long overdue update

2008-11-10T09:46:00.004-05:00

My word!!! This fall has be a chaotic surprise and has left us little time to think or write. There has been a lot of stress on our little blended clan (well mostly on Matt and I, hopefully we kept it from spilling over on the kids too much!) We have between the two of us had a 1 broken bone, two unrelated surgeries, what is apparently a normal amount of financial panic and deep concerns over the long term financial picture.
Blessedly, as often happens in our life, our family and our community supported us through the whole tempest, and we are now cautiously thinking that we may be able to greet this new day with all of our hopes and dreams intact!
Our financial roller coaster lead us to purchase a home, (my home that I grew up in). Meeting after meeting with mortgage brokers has made it possible for us to secure a monthly payment we can live with an amazingly still allow us to pursue our dream of expanding our family. In our dark hours this fall we felt that health and money would prevent us from being able to add another person to our blend for many years.
Our health, God willing, appears to be intact and we are VERY CAUTIOUSLY optimistic about beginning a home study with an agency based right here in our neighborhood.
Our amazing boys are finished with their fall sports, and have made the transition to their new grades without any trouble. Maris ending his first quarter as a high school freshman, and super soccer player, with almost ALL 'A's. Seth, who is also an excellent student, went right the way through to the second round of the championships with his football team, again playing alongside boys in his weight class who are two to three years older than him!
Today our clouds have cleared and our future seems bright as a blended family of four as we trudge the road to happy destiny together :)

A Wedding...

2008-09-22T12:48:00.002-04:00

This weekend Matt and I were out of town at a wedding. It was beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

As I was sitting in the church listening to the priest it made me remember our wedding. We put a ton of thought into the ceremony and (even though this is completely bragging) we came up with a really great fit for our unique needs as a blended family.
Like most traditional weddings there was a primary focus on the husband and the wife, unlike many wedding ceremonies, this was a true hands on, family affair.

My mother-in-law, who is a Lutheran minister, presided over the service.
She spoke first to Matt and I and we solemnized our vows. Then, she spoke to the children and to me about the special bond we would share together. We also spoke vows and I gave each boy a ring (this seemed a little feminine to me, but the boys insisted they wanted the jewelry)
My mother in law even worked in a nice mention of the boys bond to their mother and step father who were guests at the wedding as well. It was beautiful, and I have said more than once that my mother in law should send the sermon she wrote in to a family magazine, it truly was the thing I remember the most from that day.

We were very kid focused about our wedding. It was clear to Matt and I that this was about more than just a couple coming together, it was about formally stating our commitment to becoming a family.

The commitment, however, was the only thing formal about the day!! We rented out a big red barn at a local farm, hired the best BBQ joint in town to cater, got a square dance caller, a few bales of hay, some cowboy hats and boots and had a big barn dance of a wedding. We even hired a specialty baker to make us a cake in the shape of a pig on a bale of hay with an apple in its mouth. The kids thought it was a blast and were happy to scamper around the farm in overalls instead of keeping clean in nice church clothes, and we were able to relax, eat and enjoy the day knowing that the kids and our families were just having a laid back good time.

I know most people wouldn't choose an extremely non-traditional wedding, but since we had both already had white weddings, we just went in a totally new direction. The theme of the day was much less important than the importance we placed on this being about all of us coming together as a family. I think that setting our foundation in this way has made it easier for the kids to feel like they belong with us just as much as they belong anywhere. They feel comfortable being a part of our marriage and feel included in the love.

We have many days when the closeness wears thin, or when I just plain need a break (or for the kids to get off my bed and watch TV elsewhere!) but it always comes down to us as a foursome. I am lucky to say that for the most part I miss them when they are with their mom, even though there are days when I am ready for them to head of the the other 50% of their custody arrangement. My marriage couldn't work if it wasn't a place for the boys to grow roots and thrive.

When I was younger weddings made me think of what I wanted out of life, when I was married to my first husband they used to make me think of the things that I didn't have, and now they make me feel profoundly grateful for the life I have been given.

Soccer, and the meaning of life.

2008-09-15T14:19:00.007-04:00

So I was discovering the very funny and enjoyable http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com/ and I read her post about becoming a soccer mom for the first time for her Bio Son. I tapped out a quick comment and it got me thinking... Soccer is the key to my life's happiness.

This sounds a bit strange, no? But I honestly believe it is true. When Matt and I were first dating, and it came time for me to meet the boys, I was invited to a soccer game that Maris was playing in. I thought it would be a cute and fun thing to do on a Sunday morning and hopped into the car completely ignorant of what awaited me.

The boy plays TRAVEL SOCCER which is apparently a religion. Although he was a mere 11 years old at the time it became clear from the moment we arrived that soccer is a kind of a HUGE FREAKING DEAL. My charming funny new boyfriend turned into a stressed out sports parent eagerly watching every strike, crossover, and goal attempt on the field. He paced, he cheered, he groaned, he spoke in hushed tones to other soccer dads, and he forgot I was there.

You may think it was a total turn off to be abandoned at a soccer field I had never been to in the middle of a gaggle of moms who took one look at this young chick in heels and instantly assumed that I was a life long tramp and not just an idiot who didn't know anything about soccer game appropriate footwear... well at first it was, but as I wasn't talking to anyone, I got a chance to watch Matt in action as a parent and I think I began to realize right there on that field that this was indeed not just a charming, funny boyfriend, but a real life, honest to god, good man. He was completely focused on his kid and their common interest of this sport. He wanted to know what the coach had said to him, how he felt about the game, the ref, his own performance. He wasn't being a tacky, pushy, sports parent, he was involved! He really cared! I though these men only existed in magazines.

So I kept going to games. I realized that tennis shoes were the right shoes, that folding chairs were a godsend that deserved permanent residency in the trunk of my car, and that a blanket and a hot cup of coffee on a windy day were just this side of heaven. I learned, a little, about what was going on in the game, how obnoxious OTHER children's parents/coaches could be and that if you try to impress 11year old boy with a snack in a Fancy bag tied with ribbon, you not only fail to impress them, but you waste an evening that you could have enjoyed and you irritate the poor little buggers trying to eat snack.

It was on the sidelines of these games, without the boyfriend to talk to that I found myself sitting next to Matt's ex-wife. Awkward as it could have been she was the softer option... the other mommies just assumed I was a home wreaking hussy and were none to warm. Besides, she seemed funny, and she didn't bite.

Superficial conversations turned to talks about the boys and we realized that our common interest gave us a lot to talk about. I can not express my gratitude for the lack of suspicion with which she greeted my motives, or the outright empathy she had for me when I was the recipient of occasional sassy comments from her offspring, or just suffering from over-scheduleitis. I had no right to expect a perfect stranger to move over on the parent bench and pat the seat beside her, but holy cow! That is what happened.

It wasn't instant, it was a trust that has built over years, but in a very real way it is as important to the success of my blended family as the love I hold for the three Ravenstahls that complete my life. How could my boys be happy in a home run by a woman who made them feel uncomfortable about having a mom? I can be a shallow, temperamental person from time to time, it could have gone either way. I would have been (in my youthful ignorance of blended life) just as happy to return unkind gestures, I suppose. Instead I was able to return positive actions in kind and assure the kids with actions that I knew and valued their mom and her primary parenting role. The grace that made that healthy bio to step mom relationship possible is a big part of the happiness I have in my life.

She and I, along with Matt and the nice moms from our awesome team (not the same as the first one) stood together this weekend and cheered our guts out... probably embarrassing the crap out of the 14, nearly 15 year old players we were there to suport.

This is the life I never knew I always wanted... and it's all because of Soccer.

Back to School Night

2008-09-11T10:54:00.003-04:00

Last night was back to school night for my youngest step-son. I was supposed to be in grad school and wasn't going to attend... actually, I have never been to one, feeling that Matt and Laura probably have this covered, but I got let out early, and Matt asked me to come.

I have to say that even though Laura has never made me feel like a trespasser with her children, I did feel like a bit of a heel walking in... I sometimes wonder how I would feel if I was a bio-mom who had to live a life that involved a step mom. I don't know if I would be as welcoming as she is.

Still, I walked in and sat down with Laura, Matt and Seth's best bud's dad, Stan.

I get so paranoid at after school events that involve parents. I always feel like I am an instantly recognizably step-parent and that all the other "real moms" must instantly dislike me... silly, I know. No one has ever been mean to me or made me feel unwelcome outside of my own head.

So we went through the night as a foursome until Stan headed to his kid's room and the three of us went to Seth's room.

Laura signed up for conferences. I won't go, I really do feel like this is for the two of them and that I can handle a supporting role better. After sign up, we all three of us crowded around the desk of our fifth grader and read some of his poetry and the goals he had set for his year. He has such an amazing sense of humor and discipline!!

We listened to the teacher talk and I felt really proud of Seth as she outlined her expectations and I became convinced that he was up for the challenge. Laura and Matt included me effortlessly into this yearly ritual and I loved it. I feel honored to be part of such a family and proud to be pitching in to raise such a great guy. I am looking forward to getting to Maris's back to school night now.

We have lived together for a long time and been an official family for more than a year, and it feels more and more like a genuine family every day. I have always loved the kids, like I love all cute funny little people, but watching them grow for the last four years that has deepened into something much more.

I never thought that being married or not would affect the bond I have with the kids, but I can see now that it has given them a sense of permanence and trust that has strengthened our relationship in many positive ways.

I know it sounds all gooey and sunshiney... believe me there have been many hurt feelings, frustrations and dark days. The big picture, however, is a family life FULL of people that mean a lot to me. I couldn't imagine my life without them.

A New View

2008-09-10T13:59:00.003-04:00

With the world of family expansion being such a complicated place, we took a vote and decided to change our perspective on blogging and talk about the things that we do best, instead of the arduous struggle side of things.
Our defining characteristic is that we are a blended family made up of pieces of other original set-ups, and we fit together in some pretty great ways.
While we will persue the expansion of our family, we are wiser and a bit more circumspect than before and will be pursuing it on the "down-low" so to speak.
We are more focused on what is here and now... taking life one day at a time. We can't wait to meet more bloggers in the world of blended families!!!!

Blackle

2008-05-06T09:40:00.002-04:00

So while I am on my do good in the world kick, let me encourage all of you to visit, use and even set your home page to www.blackle.com.
It is a search site powered by Google that has a mostly black back screen and even though each of using it only save the tiniest bit of energy at a time... think about all these tiny bits added up across the world... I mean how many times a day do you Google? How about your friends?
I am a lazy environmentalist to say the east, but I love the idea of taking a tiny step and making a continuing difference!!
Thanks,
-Nia

FREE RICE

2008-05-02T13:28:00.001-04:00

Since every time I turn on the news this week all I hear about is the devistating increase in the cost of staple foods all over the world, I beg everyone to go to www.freerice.com and play this delightful (and humbling) game that can help feed a hungry person... I plan on spending a little time there every day!
A happy weekend to all :)
-Nia

Ten Quirky Things...

2008-04-13T21:06:00.002-04:00

So I read Kerri's blog, which I guess means I've been tagged :)
I secretly adore tags because it is fun to learn random things about people... so here goes my random ten things:

1. Even though I have flown my whole life, I am terrified of flying. I force my self to fly as often as I can to see if I can get over it... no luck yet, but I'm not giving up hope!

2. I LOVE the song Devil Went Down to Georgia, by the Charlie Daniel's Band... other than that I think I have pretty good taste.

3. I still have the little bunny that I had in my crib as a baby... I just can't seem to throw her away.

4. I am very superstitious... I can't not throw a pinch of salt over my shoulder if I spill it.

5. I call everyone Charlie the way some people use man or dude.

6. I sleep with my beagle/shepherd mix Monroe snuggled in my arms like a teddy bear.

7. I have a weird shark phobia that apparently only extends to water that is higher than my belly button.

8. My hands have to be busy when I watch t.v. I cross-stitch and crochet tons of stuff for my friends and family.

9. I have huge control issues about my kitchen, I can't be happy unless I do the cooking... this does not extend to the dishes.

10. Every week when I make my grocery list, I write down the projected price for each thing on the list, total it up and then spend my whole trip to the store trying to beat my goal price. (I cash out the difference and put it in our vacation account... we have done many cool things with this money over the years)

Just like Kerri, I tag anyone who reads this and ask that you leave a comment to let me know :)

Tags 4 Ethiopia

2008-04-10T13:58:00.002-04:00

I just have to put a plug in for http://customtags4you.blogspot.com This site is run by Renee, a great blogger who is working towards bringing home her third wonderful child from Ethiopia. As I understand it, they are using this site to fund part of the process.
I peeked at the site when it went up and I ordered 4 tags for our bags on this summer's trip to China. Moments later, well days- but it was fast, I had my colorful adorable luggage tags for China... complete with cute Dragons for the boys!
If you need tags or labels for anything, check them out!

We Love Easter

2008-03-24T11:01:00.000-04:00

We had a great trip to Pittsburgh to visit my inlaws. Easter is a pretty relaxed affair (once my inlaws are done working... they are respectively pastors of two area Lutheran Churches)

once we had all worshiped together we came home and stuffed our faces! lets just say that Grandma can cook!

We didn't take enough pictures... I realize that we got no one in their easter finery and we left town without a single new picture of my adorable niece Grace. This always happens!

This picture is Matt's mom, Barbara, holding Emily who is the little sister (by way of remarriage of their mom) to our two boys Seth (left) and Maris (right). The lady in the front is my mom, Dorothy.

Since we all hang together (first and second wife, and first wife's second husband and their daughter, Matt, our boys, uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents) You would need a cast list to keep them all straight... lets just say it was tons of chaos, tons of food, and tons of fun!

Now if I could just loose the million pounds I put on this week, I might even post a picture of me with my family!

Other great news we got was a phone call from my dad letting us know that he had landed safely in Dubai and that he will be home next sunday.

It is a huge relief that he will be out of harms way. Even though he did not go near combat in Iraq and was just rebuilding telecommunications infrastructure, it scared me to death to think of him living in a place that could be hit by a rocket without warning.

Lots of prayers have gotten us through this last 18 months!

Spring Break!!!!!

2008-03-16T21:57:00.000-04:00

What could be cooler than a week off to spend catching up on all of the things we never get the chance to do! Even though the break technically begins tomorrow, we have already been caught up in the spirit. Matt has washed all the carpets and washed all the floors and even cleaned all of the windows, the kids even (kind of) cleaned their rooms. I made the kitchen spotless and perfect too (for about 5 minutes until we needed to use it again)

We also got the honor of babysitting our sons' little sister over night on Saturday. She is two and a total doll. Our unusually cordial ex-spouse/new spouse relationship is one of the true joys of my life. Without the firm foundation of mutual respect and friendship between all four parents, we could not offer our boys the stability and comfort the deserve. I can claim no credit for this blessing... it is all a gift. I will have to write a bit more about Laura another day. I don't think I ever thought when I was growing up that one day one of my favorite people would be the first wife of my beloved husband... just goes to show that life is a funny old thing.

The rest of the week should be pretty calm, if I am a very good girl I will go to Yoga three times... heavy emphasis on the "if". Then we are heading up to Pittsburgh for the holiday so that we can be spoiled rotten by my mother in law... Hands down the best Easter ham going!!

I love my job, but I have to say that I am pretty fond of the vacations we get from teaching too :)

Mason is here!!

2008-03-08T19:38:00.000-05:00

After 12 hours of hard work, Mason came into the world last night and made his Mommy and Daddy the happiest and cutest family around!!

Big congrats to Misty and Beau!!!!

Today will be Mason's Birthday!!!

2008-03-07T08:24:00.001-05:00

Mason Juniper Sherman is on his way into the world. His mommy Misty just texted me to say they are heading to the hospital!!

I have a parent meeting at 1:30 then I am going too!!!!

I can't wait to meet this fantastic addition to our family of friends!!!

His beautiful Momma is the one on the left. The other lovely lady, Rachel, is Momma to my sweetest girls Ella and Sophie.